If the car is a Mustang.....

[Mugger]

Ok people, here is what was in the Jan 2003 issue of Import Racer! ?

The Loh Down by Edward Loh

IF A CAR IS A MUSTANG, THE DRIVER IS PROBABLY A JACKASS?

Until recently I didn?t realize that the little galloping horse on the Ford Mustang isn?t a horse at all-it?s a jackass. At least, as far as I can tell from the behavior of the Mustang drivers I encounter on a daily basis.

You see, I drive a lot-nearly one hundred miles a day if all I do is go to work and back home. Lately, my daily driver has been the Import Racer! Project Tiburon. As I?ve been getting the car together for the SEMA show, I?ve noticed a heightened level of interest by many of my fellow commuters, especially the Mustang crowd. But it didn?t really hit the fan until I put the widebody kit and rims on. Now it?s like I have a sign on the back of the car that says, ?Hey you with the Mustang, your momma got a peg leg with a kickstand!?-they all want a piece of me.

Now I realize that I am about to insult what basically amounts to an American institution, so let me nail down a few specifics, if for no other reason than to reduce the number of poorly phrased and ungrammatical death threats I am sure to receive.

The Mustang itself is not a jackass. I?m talking about the drivers of these vehicles, who are almost always male and under 30. The ones I speak of are also found throughout the greater LA area, usually driving late-model Mustang GTs, with that weak sauce 4.6L V-8 (C?mon fellas, more than twice the displacement of a K20A and you?re only mking like 250hp? There is obviously a replacement for displacement-it?s called Honda). Occasionally I get some heat from older 5.0 or LX Mustangs, but the bulk of the idiocy is perpetrated by the guys in the GTs.

You might know who I?m talking about : the dudes who give the stink eye and smoke their tires whey you?re parked or getting out of your car. The ones who flex their weenie triceps (? la Vin Diesle) and rev on you when it?s bumper to bumper on the 405. The guys rocking the sweet mullet/Vuarnet combo who flash high-beams and peel out when you?re at the opposite end of an intersection.

I mean, I don?t get this kind of attention from anybody else. In fact, among my brothers (and sisters) in the fixed-up cars, it?s been nothing but love. Everywhere I go I get props from owners of all sort of rides-imports and domestics. Integra drivers slow down to rubberneck. Civic owners roll down their windows, gesture frantically and yell a bunch of stuff I can?t understand [I think that?s because you hit someone-Ed]. And just to show that it ain?t afford thing, why just this afternoon, a dude in a tight red SVT Focus gave the car a once over, and started bobbing his head in what I gathered was appreciation (although it could?ve been the Mos Def bumping out his trunk). Even the guys in trucks and lowriders give that slight nod of approval. Everyone digs the Project Tiburon-except for those Mustang guys, all they want to do is race.

And race poorly. I mean, it just makes me wonder-why even bother? It?s a no-win proposition-beat up on a four or six cylinder and it?s ?Look at the tough guy over here!? Lose to one, and you look like, well, a jackass. Why even set yourself up for the embarrassment? Just be happy with your Mustang?s circa-1984 technology and Carnival cruise-like handling.

My theory is that this all has to do with some mighty strong feelings of inadequacy. Perhaps these guys are sick of getting schooled by fixed up Integras and other bangin? four-bangers, and are looking to relieve some stress on me and my Hyundai. Or maybe they are pissed off because the girlfriend violated parole again, the tape deck just ate their favorite Tony Robbins cassette, or they found out they gotta work a double at the Quickie Mart. Who knows and who cares. The only reason I?m still writing this garbage is to put out a newsflash to you all overzealous and undersized Mustang drivers: I don?t care how insecure you are-I am really not interested in your dog and pony car show.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There you have it! All that is missing is the pictures of the Tiburon. You can e-mail Import Racer! At editorial@importracermag.com I?m working on a letter to the editor and Mr. Loh as we speak??

http://www.allfordmustangs.com/forums/photopost/showphoto.php?photo=1813&papass=&sort=1&thecat=500

[MRigney]

WOW!

I think that guy has some serious problems with himself and his import. You know he doesen't have to drive a tricked out Tiburon. He could drive a normal car or truck.

He is right about some things though. When I find myself driving next to a import with a cannon coming out the back I always give them hell just to see what they are going to do.

Let Us know what your letter says if you don't mind. I need another good laugh!

Nice find Mugger!

[jeffs01]

If there is a downside to owning a Mustang, it is having to deal with MORONS like him. Sounds to me like he has gotten his a$$ handed to him one to many times by a MUSTANG and can't handle it. As far as responding to him, he will just put your letter on a board somewhere for all the RICER PUNKS to flame on. My son goes to these forums and it is just flame war after flame war.

[Racerjoey1]

That is ridiculous. I have a freakin truck and if I saw a riced out Tiburon id rev at it too. I know my truck isnt fast by any means, but it beat a 94-98 V6 Mustang a couple months ago. I think I could run with a Tiburon. Also, if he is gonna talk trash about Mustangs, he needs to get some facts straight. 250hp? "Occasionally I get some heat from older 5.0 or LX Mustangs, but the bulk of the idiocy is perpetrated by the guys in the GTs." - Does he not know that the 5.0L cars can be GT's too. Also anyone who says this : "...a dude in a tight red SVT Focus gave the car a once over..." should not say anything about a Mustang. I think Jeffs01 is right.

Joey

[Darkhorse]

I'm a bit pissed off by what he is saying. I have run into some jerks in stangs along the way and I drive a stang. There are also import, GM and Mopar guys like that too. I do understand to a point what he is talking about. But lets face it most of these import/sport compact cars are all show and not much go. The thing is, he is labeling all mustang drivers as jackasses because thats is all that he's run into. Maybe if we set an example and not bash them, then maybe there wouldn't be this problem. I go on these forums and see you guys doing the same bashing that they are doing. Sorry to say it but, two wrongs don't make a right. So show some love to them and I bet you'll get some of the same back. Godspeed. :D

[Los]

:rolleyes:

He's just mad cause he can't afford our POS.

If anything, its the punk kids in ricers that do the stupid things.

[Five Mustangs]

that kid is an idiot....an f'ing tib? he takes the time to write a whine like that and yet, calls mustang owners "jackass's"???
i mean, this kid spends good time and money making the front tires of tib smoke...ahh, front tire smoking...drives me crazy!!!

by the way, i'm new to the site...think it's cool.

[Los]

Let me write an article on the retards that fling the moto "I'm fast and I'm rice"

I hate generalizations like that.

I've met more jackass mullett driving fbody owners than mustangs. And the Ricer group outdoes that 5 to 1.

[FalconGTHO]

Punk ass ricer bitch. I dont need a new GT. He can get run over by my Torino.

(C?mon fellas, more than twice the displacement of a K20A and you?re only mking like 250hp? There is obviously a replacement for displacement-it?s called Honda).

No, its 260 dickhead. And no, its NOT called Honda, not at 30k plus dollars and tiny torque so high on the revs its meaningless.

[FalconGTHO]

And with that, I give you this. Created at the time of the theatrical release of the Freaks and the Foolish...err I mean the Fat and the Curious...no thats not it...the Fast (lmao) and the Furious.

To the tune of "Ice, ice baby":

"Yo S O P, gonna kick it...

Rice, rice baby,
Rice, rice baby,

Alright STOP,
gather round and listen,
Ricers here with racy intentions,
but something,
passes them blithely,
and it happens,
daily and nightly,
Will it ever stop?
Hell no,
Look at it now,
as my tailights glow,
To the extreme,
I spank rice like a vandal,
light up the tires,
and wax the chumps like a candle,
Speed,
bum rush the exhaust that booms,
Im killin your rice,
like a poisonous mushroom,
Deadly,
when I motor up ahead of thee,
Anything less than an 8 is a travesty,
Love it
or leave it,
you better make way,
Gotta hit the nitrous,
cuz vee eights dont play,

If there is a ricer,
you know Ill beat it,
Check out the smoke,
while the tires are heated,

Rice, rice baby,
Rice, rice baby,

Now that the race is jumpin,
cuz the cams kicked in,
and the 'Masters are thumpin,
Quick with the shift,
from the light no fakin,
Cooking this rice,
like a pound of bacon,
Burnin em,
its so quick and simple,
This mug is crazy,
like a souped up Tempo,
Ive got the roll,
and Im in the lead solo,
Rollin,
with my power on show,
Ricer cant hang,
cuz hes too freakin slow,
With the nitrous on standby,
waiting to say bye bye,
Did you use it?
Hell nah,
I just drove by,
Kept on,
racing to the next block,
The ricer was smoked,
and its such a freakin crock,
I busted left,
and hit the parkin lot,
Ricer chicks,
wearin less than bikinis,
Import lovers,
posing like weenies,
Jealous,
cuz theyre burned by mine,
Ricers with the four,
and I beat em every time,
Imports,
parked by the wall,
Drivers actin ill,
cuz they know Ill beat em all,
Exhaust note,
rang out like a bell,
So I nailed the throttle,
all they could was smell,
smoke,
coming from my tires real fast,
Ricer edged ahead,
so I gave some more gas,
Bumper to bumper,
the race was stacked,
So I hit the bottle,
and the ricer was jacked,
Police on the scene,
you know what I mean,
They passed me up,
arresting all the rice fiends,

If there is a ricer,
you know Ill beat it,
Check out the smoke,
while the tires are heated,

Rice, rice baby,
Rice, rice baby,

Take heed,
Ive got torque and show it,
Detroits on the scene,
in case you didn?t know it,
Motown,
that created all the race sound,
Enough to shake,
and kick holes in the ground,
Vee Eight style,
like a chemical spill,
Unbeatable power,
that you hear and feel,
Created and formed,
it?s a hell of a concept,
Its built right,
and you cant step to this,
Cuz my power never fades,
cuts like a Ninja,
and slice like a razor blade,
So fast,
if torque was a drug,
Id sell it by the gram,
Keep my composure,
when the tires break loose,
Pulverized by the torque,
as I hit the juice,

If there is a ricer,
yo Ill beat it,
Look at me now,
as the tires are heated,

Rice, rice baby,
Rice, rice baby,

[mustang79]

that's where you need to get a turbocharged mustang, the I-4 140cid, and waste him, i guess he was referring to the V-8 corwd, cuz i know of plenty of 4 and 6 cyulinder stangs